The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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