Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
