my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
