epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
