Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
