Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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