but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
