Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
