Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
