I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
