What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize