Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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