i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
