your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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