Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
