I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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