do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize