I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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