go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize