Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
