i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
