I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
