It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
