Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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