and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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