I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
