I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
