um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
