Yo dont text me then not text me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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