Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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