I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
