his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
