I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize