what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
