dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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