Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
