I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
