I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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