I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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