absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
