it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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