it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
