This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
