piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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