"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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