idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
