Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wear drunk well.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize