On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
