it hurts more in the daytime
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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