how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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