I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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