O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
