She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
