I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
