when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
