i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
