there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
