He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
me + whiskey = a bad person
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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