so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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