I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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