I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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