Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
