Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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