So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
