well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
