Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Someone shattered a urinal.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
