the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
