she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
