My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
