After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
