I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
