oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
