at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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