how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize