I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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