I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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