In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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