just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
