I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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