You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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