I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
