so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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