Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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