I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
