we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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