how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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