Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
