This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
