New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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