i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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