I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
