her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
