Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
