I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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